There have been so many people I have spoken to in the past month who have been quite debilitated by significant life changes such as the involuntary ending of an important relationship, changing careers, or being seduced by the same old sadness or anger of a past yearning to go back and “fix” something in their lives. In each of these situations, the solution is to stop and seek out a higher perspective on what and why things are happening in your life rather than to wade in a sea of self-pity, going nowhere.
We are electromagnetic beings. Our energy field acts like a magnet and will attract the same or similar positive or negative vibrations to what we are holding. This will show up in the form of people, places and experiences as well as our mind, our body and our spirit. How do you control this to attract the positive stuff? The energy radiating from you has a lot to do with what you spend your time thinking about and how that makes you feel. Or conversely, how you are feeling is driving the stories you are telling yourself that can lock you into fear, uncertainty, self-blame, and the popular one of not being good enough.
When an important relationship ends, often times we ask ourselves “what did I do wrong” and “can I go back and fix it”. “What did I do that drove that person away or made me not enough to keep them happy?” When momentous changes arrive on our doorstep, it shows that we are about to change our consciousness. When we are forced to step away, it is an opportunity to see some truths about ourselves as well as the true face of others. We usually go a couple of ways when this happens, we feel sorry for ourselves and this wakeup call creates a burst of self-blame for all the things we “should” have done or we can choose see what lesson is to be learned for permanent change to happen.
Once you get to the point where you can look at your situation with a moment of detachment and say to yourself, “OK, what happened has happened for a reason, and if I never want this to happen again in my life, then what do I need to know about this situation, myself and why I attracted this experience?” Be clear that you are not doing this to “fix” the past and go back and rekindle an unhappy relationship that left you. You are doing this for you because you are the center of all of your relationships past, present and future. You attract what you believe about yourself and what you believe you deserve rather than what you desire. The partner you chose is a reflection of your thoughts and feelings; they mirror your strengths and weaknesses. Remember, like attracts like, positive or negative.
One’s insecurity attracts insecurity; it just shows itself in different ways between two people who are intimate. People show you who they are. When we are caught up in the illusion of who we want them to be, we make excuses or exceptions to justify bad behaviour. Often this is behaviour that we would never accept from a friend. Why is that? This is how our insecurities about our ability to find happiness and love can show themselves and when they do, it is a good thing. It may hurt a bit, but it is a move in a positive direction. Truth will set you free. Free from the bonds of the lies you told yourself; that you would never find anyone better or never find a better job or never have ……
I think it is great to try to repair a relationship if both are willing to change but I prefer to look at this coming together not as fixing of anything but as the new beginning of a new relationship. Something new that reflects the new “agreement” with one another based on the benefits of self-knowledge gained by each from the past experience. I believe it is important to be clear that coming together again makes them better people. Everything happens for a reason, life is synchronistic, there are no coincidences in my beliefs.
Healing starts with Divine Truth. Truth is your protection from it happening again. It is the Divine sword of your internal freedom fighter. Through being honest with yourself you can face and accept truth about a situation so it can move onto the next level and transform into something else, a new you, a new attitude, a new life plan. Renew your faith and trust in yourself to create a happy life and your ability to attract those that support you and your ability to communicate what you need. This includes being fearless in releasing people, situations and attitudes that no longer are aligned to what you need and deserve.
Truth can sometimes feel like something ripping your heart out and other times a gradual coming to your senses like waking up from a long sleep. If something ends unexpectedly or you have regrets looking back, know that it happened for a reason and that something better is waiting for you….if you let it in…..without the old memories clinging to you like “Barnacle Bill”. At times, it takes something feeling like a severe loss to make us realize that we should have let go a long time ago or force us to take another course because we would never had made the move without this happening. It gives us a great opportunity to look at this as either a misfortune or an awakening. When we experience loss, especially when someone leaves us or lets us go (in the case of employment) it makes us look at a part of ourselves that was hidden in some way. The something better is a new you who lets go of all of the insecurities and regrets and starts working on never creating that situation again.
When you hold the unhappy past in your heart as you move through the world, unhappy people notice you and can start to gravitate towards you, creating, with you, experiences to reinforce the sadness that you are nourishing. When you make decisions based in a fear, such as the fear that you will never love like that again, you always make the wrong choices. The choices would be different if you approached your decisions with a healthy self-respect knowing that next time you will be experiencing the best relationship ever because you are better and that each relationship will show you where you are at and what you need to work on, in attracting a long term partner.
The best you can do to revisit a relationship whether it is over or not, is to look at what your role was in the relationship issues and what you would do differently. Someone leaving can give us plenty of motivation to do so. Sometimes you attach your identity so much to a job or relationship that without it, you feel empty or disconnected, alone. The loving Universe works in mysterious ways to show us without words that you were on the wrong path, that too much of yourself was compromised to be happy or how much you were dependent on the other person or job for your happiness, stifling who you really are in some way. Both situations are not sustainable circumstances in this transformational energy of our time. If we permit the release of the old without punishing ourselves or others, the next step to moving into a new way of thinking and feeling knowing, is revealed. It is like the old circumstance is pushing us into the world, like a mother bird pushes the baby bird out of the nest, so that we might experience another important phase of our lives, a happier phase, even if we cannot see if from our current vantage point. Whether you wish to work on a personal relationship or accept it’s over I believe this is necessary to heal from an unhappy ending. In my opinion, seeing who you were in all this, compared to who you can be as a result of the experience, is what life and living is all about.
Turn adversity into a learning opportunity for personal growth and expansion. Move forward with a better idea of who you really are. Forgive the past, learn from it, apply those teachings moving forward, and put your best you forward, attracting the people and experiences that mirror that same philosophy in joy and happiness, knowing life is beginning again.
Enjoy the view from a Higher perspective.